Best Known For: The theme song to Shaft; playing Chef on South Park.

Why You Wouldn't Expect Him To Be a Scientologist: Who’s a sex machine to all the chicks? Not Isaac Hayes, unless they’re at least level 4.

Okay, this entry's sort of cheating, since after Hayes' public dismissal from South Park last year over the show's offensive portrayal of Scientology, pretty much everyone's aware of Isaac's Xenu-battling ways at this point. Still, though: motherfucker wrote the theme song from Shaft! Come on!

Rumors abound that Hayes was forced by Scientology overlords to quit South Park after the infamous “In the Closet” episode. Whew! Good thing it's not a cult, though! (Don't sue.)

Connections: The other three black Scientologists, who remain shrouded in mystery.

Presumed Operating Thetan Level: the baddest mother-- "Shut your mouth!" "I'm just talkin' 'bout Operatin' Thetan Levels!" "Then we can dig it."