Belgium boasts not one but two Santa Clauses, St. Nicholas and Père Noël. St. Nicholas is the "bad cop" of the duo, and is all about reconnaissance—on December 4th he melts into the Belgian shadows to thoroughly investigate the backgrounds of unsuspecting children.  

While America Santa conducts his "naughty/nice" tallies up at the North Pole through magic, St. Nick's Belgian operation seems less about enchantment and more about unsavory late-night stakeouts and countless anxiously smoked cigarettes. His methods, while morally disquieting, are effective. By December 6th St. Nick has all the dirt, which he passes along to Père Noël in time for Christmas.

For the nice: presents. The naughty: twigs. Belgian Santa doesn't leave the naughty/nice debate open to interpretation. If you're bad, he takes the time to really rub your nose in it. Still, if he's tailed some poor Walloon kid around for the better part of a weekend, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that the little bastard deserved a handful of dirty sticks for Christmas.

At least the stick-receiving child might be able to join forces stateside with our naughty children, who get coal in their stockings. Between the two of them, they could get a warm fire going, the greatest gift of all.