Estonia claims their Christmas (Jõulud) has no connection with Christianity at all—nonetheless, their decorations and customs look suspiciously Jesusy. One of the most important Estonian peasant traditions involves the bringing home of authentic "Christmas straw," which is supposed to symbolize the manger. Whose manger, Estonia? The children are encouraged to frolic around in this filthy horse food and, with no other options given to them, most likely do just that.

Christmas Eve and Night are considered sacred, and Estonians use the two-day window for the exclusive purpose of fortune telling, predicting next year's weather and harvest. Ancestors' spirits are said to visit families' houses during this time. How they get along with the strange fortune tellers already mingling about the premises is not elaborated upon, though one suspects it's no more awkward than an American Christmas with ample amounts of egg nog and beer available.

Another of the oldest holiday traditions in Estonia is the Christmas Eve sauna, which is exactly as unappealing as it sounds. After being required to see all of your immediate family sweaty and nude, one might welcome the opportunity for a heart-to-heart with a relative visiting from beyond the grave.