In a Nutshell

Don Young is a buffoon who's constantly trying to steal money from the federal government, but is too obnoxiously stupid to get away with it.

Why He's a Prick

When he's not misquoting Lincoln, brandishing an 18-inch walrus penis on the House floor (yes, he did this), or directing hundreds of millions of federal dollars to roads bearing his name, he's just generally being a total ass. One gem: "Environmentalists are a self-centered bunch of waffle-stomping, Harvard-graduating, intellectual idiots." After all, if there's one thing our senators should be teaching the children of tomorrow, it's that graduating from college and being intelligent is for hippie fags.

Biggest Prick Moves

• Earmarking $223 million in federal funding for an enormous—and egregiously unnecessary—bridge connecting the small Alaskan city Ketchikan to Gravina Island, which boasts a population of—drumroll—50 people.
• When questioned by House members why he'd removed a limiting of carbon emissions from a bill, Young claimed that it was unnecessary, because Greenland is already cooling down (it’s not; Greenland's ice loss doubled between 1996 and 2005), that it’s not America’s fault it needs to burn more oil, since it’s so darn big (China’s also pretty big, and it burned 7 million barrels last year to the USA’s 20.6), and that the polar bear population is increasing (it’s actually due to be placed on the Endangered Species list later this year). Take-away point: Don Young has no problem making up shit to support whatever he feels like doing. That’s a skill they simply don’t teach at them fancy Harvard intellectual schools.