1. Steve Spurrier: He tormented the Dawgs for years, but that's exactly why I'd hire him: The Head Ball Coach has a killer instinct and desire to not just win but dominate opponents. He tends to be more successful at schools where they let him bend the admissions rules a bit. Wouldn't be a problem if I was hiring him to come to my school.

2. Rich Rodriguez: I don't know what it is exactly, but I like the way Rodriguez goes about his job. Maybe it's the sweatbands and baseball caps, but he just looks like a guy who can coach. Also, he's gone 30-7 the last three seasons, which doesn't hurt.

3. Joe Paterno: OK, so he's 80 years old and probably wouldn't want to put up with the hassle of a new gig, but I'd make it worth his while financially and throw in a case of multi-vitamins. He might be past his prime, but I love his pluck and vigor -- it would be like having Regis Philbin coach your school.

4. Urban Meyer: I don't mean to stay on the East Coast, but it's hard not to select Meyer after what he pulled off last season. There was a certain brilliant audacity to his play-calling: Whenever Tim Tebow entered games, Florida ran quarterback draws. EVERY TIME! And somehow nobody figured it out and Meyer just kept making the plays work.

5. Pete Carroll: There's something about Carroll that strikes me as odd, but it's hard to argue with his success. Or his recruiting.