The Basics of Body Language

The idea of reading body language can seem like voodoo, but the truth is you’re already doing it. The mind subconsciously interprets body language and uses it to form impressions.

Projecting Openness

Examples of open body language are:

• Arms at sides (as opposed to crossed).
• Outward facing palms
• Legs stretched out and uncrossed
• Elbows away from the body
• Leaning forward (like you’re interested)
• Standing straight (no slouching)

Eye Contact

Making eye contact is crucial. Have you ever met someone who couldn’t look you in the eye? What was your perception of them?

Adjusting to the Signals of Others

Managing your own body language is only half of the equation. The other half is recognizing and reacting to the body language of others.

Engaging in Conversation

The purpose of open body language is to encourage people to converse with you. This is where you become the life of the party, the person everyone wants to talk to.

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• Aside from body language, other elements of your appearance can effect how approachable you look. Dressing in clothing in light/bright colors with textures that look soft to the touch (think velvet, cashmere, angora, corduroy) will make you stand out more in a crowd and look more approachable.
• Compliment others. It's a great way to show interest in other people and start conversations. Most people just love getting a compliment and positive attention, and talking about themselves. Just be sure it's sincere and appropriate. Ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation moving.
• Ask questions that require more than a simple "yes" or "no" answer to subtly encourage a shy or introverted person to keep talking.
• In a social situation, such as a party, offer to help out in some way. Your host or hostess will likely be appreciative, and sometimes having a specific task may help you feel more focused than just standing around feeling awkward. It's a great way to meet others and be sociable without having to feel you don't know what to do. Excellent tasks: cutting vegetables, washing dishes, keeping the music going, picking up used plates, etc. Don't over-focus and use the task as an excuse for not engaging in conversation, and vice versa.
• In uncomfortable situations, you may find that you touch your face a bit more than usual or, if you have a drink, you may hold a glass in front of your face. These are unconscious protective reactions that signals to others that you don't want to be approached. As long as you're aware of these gestures, however, you can avoid them.
• Reading a newspaper or wearing headphones can ease the monotony of a long train ride, but in situations where you want to look approachable, lose these props.
• Position yourself for conversation. If you're standing up, but everybody else is sitting down (or vice versa) people will find it difficult and somewhat awkward to talk to you. If you want to talk to someone, or if you're already talking with someone, position yourself so that you can comfortably talk.
• Do not gauge someone's interest level based solely on how approachable or unapproachable they appear. The person may not realize what their body language conveys.
• Body language suggests a mirror issue. That is, the body language you give off often indicates deeper issues. Your crossed arms when in a social setting could be a reflection of a lack of self-confidence while nervous adjusting of your clothing or accessories could be a product of being a consummate perfectionist.

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• Body language speaks volumes to the opposite sex
• Smiling puts other individuals at ease and makes you appear warm, friendly and approachable.
• Color has a way of drawing in the opposite sex and different colors work for men and women.
• Strong women often enjoy wearing strong colors such as deep red, plum or burgundy and a man who cannot handle this kind of a woman is not likely to approach one wearing any of these shades.
• The color to avoid for both sexes is the yellowish green shade that looks like a caterpillar.
• Scents play a role in attraction and studies have shown that men are attracted to the scents of vanilla and cinnamon while women like the smell of black licorice.

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