10.
Straight: He wears the same shirt for three days.
Gay: He wears three shirts a day.

9.
Straight: He thinks you spend too much money on getting your hair done.
Gay: He offers to do your belliage for you to save you money.

8.
Straight: When you ask him if he thinks Orlando Bloom is hot, he says, “I can’t judge if other guys are hot or not.”
Gay: When you ask him if he thinks Orlando Bloom is hot, he says, “Well… not as hot as Antonio Banderas.”

7.
Straight: A weekend outing with the “guys” involves either golf, football, or lap dances.
Gay: A weekend outing with the “guys” involves dancing, wine tasting, or a quick trip to San Francisco.

6.
Straight: He owns more video games than Blockbuster.
Gay: He owns more shoes than Payless.

5.
Straight: He wants to have sex with you, but doesn’t want to marry you.
Gay: He wants to marry you, but doesn’t want to have sex with you.

4.
Straight: He snags his Playboy out of the mailbox before you can see it.
Gay: He snags your Cosmo out of the mailbox before you can see it.

3.
His Netflix list includes sixteen different documentaries about World War II.
Gay: His Netflix list includes sixteen different documentaries about Madonna.

2.
Straight: He comes home at lunch to water the yard.
Gay: He comes home at lunch to watch the Young and the Restless.

1.
Straight: He affectionately calls you “Princess.”
Gay: He looks up when someone else affectionately calls you “Princess.”

Via chrisvschris

1. Making football picks based on observations that teams with "winter" colors always defeat teams with "summer" colors.

    

2. Ability to distinguish a Giorgio from a Donna Karan at forty paces.

    

3. Book-learnin'.

    

4. The skill required to explain, in excruciating detail and at great length, exactly why that nice but unemployed guy Robert who used to date her sister Alice is wrong for her former college roommate Jalene, even though there's some mutual attraction.

    

5. Hair-trigger gag reflex.

    

6. Finally determining how to permanently get off Victoria's Secret's catalog mailing list.

    

7. Ability to talk to animals -- but only animals that also insist you rent "The Story of Us."

    

8. Ability to competently oversee the entire U.S. Department of Justice.

    

9. Being able to insert jokes about the United Nations and Ted Koppel's hair while commenting on football plays.

    

10. Skill in putting the words "you", "wrong" and "are" together in a single sentence.

     

11. That uncanny Celine Dion impersonation.

     

12. Sucking the paint off a picket fence through a chrome hubcap.

    and the Number 1 Least Useful Skill for Impressing Men...

     

13. Acting like a whore in the kitchen and Betty Crocker in bed.

Via topfive