10. Super spelling



9. Lightning-fast mood swings



8. Really bendy thumb



7. Unusually natural smile when posing for photographs



6. Ability to calm jittery squirrels



5. Power to shake exactly two aspirin out of a bottle



4. Ability to get tickets to Goodwill Games



3. Power to score with other superheroes' wives



2. Ability to communicate with corn



1. Magnetic colon

10. "I'm down here"



9. "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy"



8. "I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi"



7. "I can get you off the naughty list"



6. "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys"



5. "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."



4. "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler"



3. "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man"



2. "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig"



1. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"

10. "I hear there's lots of kickboxing in this one."



9. "If you didn't see part one, you won't be able to follow it."



8. "It's a lot like 'Star Wars' -- only it doesn't take place in space and there's a lot more kicking."



7. "Do me a favor and kick me a couple times to get me in the mood."



6. "Excuse me, Mrs. Onassis -- but could you quit shoving?"



5. "I'll bet Julia Roberts broke up with Kiefer Sutherland 'cause he couldn't kickbox."



4. "So after I knocked over the vase and flowers, my Mom said, 'No more kickboxing.'"



3. "Aaieee! Killer bees!"



2. "Do you think Kickboxer could beat Terminator?"



1. "It's the best movie ever made about people kicking each other."

So funny! From lisaandjacob.com , Top Ten Letterman Top Ten Lists

10. "Sex and Pregnancy: A Possible Connection"



9. "E=MC3: That's Right, Einstein, I Said Cubed!"



8. "Sweet and Sour Pork: How Can It Be Both? At The Same Time?"



7. "Lincoln: The Man, The President, The Town Car"



6. "Whoops!: I Blew My $800,000 Research Grant At The MGM Grand Casino"



5. "Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: So Cheesy, It Should Be Called 'Kraft Cheese & Macaroni'"



4. "There Sure Are A Lot of 'Smiths' In The Phone Book, Dude"



3. "The Isotope Conjecture: A Fake Title So My Wife Won't Look Inside Here and See My Letters To Penthouse Forum"



2. "Why The People Who Award The Nobel Prize Are A Bunch Of Jerks"



1. "Gravity: The Devil's Tool"

10. So-called "dial tone" is just a guy with a kazoo



9. Everyone you talk to sounds like the drive-through at Wendy's



8. All calls are ten cents for the first minute, $94 each additional minute



7. In the background of every call you make: giggling



6. When you tell the operator you're trying to call a friend in Vermont, she laughs and says, "Hey pal, this ain't the Jetsons!"



5. No matter what number you dial, the same guy answers



4. They insist on being paid with "ass, gas, or grass"



3. Every time you pick up the receiver, dirty gray water pours out



2. They bill you for calls made by somebody named Pepe, and when you complain, they say, "Whatsa problem, man, you no like Pepe?"



1. Their slogan is "Reach out and touch yourself"

10. Nation's interstate system would include regularly spaced jump ramps.



9. Giant flame decals added to side of Air Force One.



8. More fatalities at annual Easter egg hunt.



7. Court packed with judges favoring 270 mph speed limit.



6. Secretary of state would wear special suit to greet diplomats while on fire.



5. Son Robbie Knievel would be screwing up S&L industry.



4. While jumpsuit de rigeur at state dinners.



3. Quayle would still be Vice-President -- but his kids would take him seriously.



2. Americans closer to dream of seeing guy jump over his own face on Mt. Rush more.



1. More babies named Evel.

10. Sell more cookies than anyone else in his unit



9. During his next "20/20" interview, punch Hugh Downs



8. Have friend make gun and bomb noises every time he calls Bush so it'll seem like he's still fighting really hard



7. Hope that somehow Pizza Hut has a promotion: "Eat five pizzas -- get a fifth U. S. General Star free!"



6. Capture LAPD Chief Gates



5. Beat Sgt. Slaughter in best 2 out of 3 falls in "Wrestlemania"



4. Somehow fix it so White House gets free HBO



3. Hope and pray Bob Guccione doesn't print nude photos



2. Do at least a halfway-decent job on the parallel parking part of the test



1. Do some five-star butt kissing

10. Real Apollo 13 never picked up hitchhiking E.T.



9. The spacecraft was not pulled over by a Connecticut state trooper for speeding



8. To fix spaceship, Tom Hanks just punches it like the Fonz



7. The "Footloose" dude never gets a single chance to cut loose



6. The scene in which spacecraft chases White Bronco around the moon



5. Jim Lovell never told Houston, "Forget about us! Just Free Willy!"



4. Mission was not "to open Gap store on the moon"



3. According to the movie, first man on the moon was Neil Armstrong; in reality it was Dick Assman



2. Crew never cruised sunset in lunar module looking for hookers



1. Moon covered with giant Taco Bell logo

10. Rising tide of complaints that the Clapper is too complicated.



9. More people saying, "Hey, you forgot to take the hanger out of your coat."



8. When asked to name the current president, most say, "Eddie?"



7. 82% of Americans get their news from a pet.



6. Sales of "I'm with Stupid" T-shirts surpassed by sales of "I Am Stupid" T-shirts.



5. Leading cause of death: forgetting to let go of bowling balls.



4. Frightened crowds always running out of movie theaters screaming, "Giants! Giants!"



3. 1993 S.A.T. consists of one question: "Hey good lookin' - whatcha got cookin'?"



2. Upsurge in the number of babies named "Critter."



1. Three Amy Fisher movies.