• Schedule her prenatal check-ups. 
• Educate yourself on pregnancy. 
• Be involved in the planning. 
• Make sure she sticks to her diet. 
• Don’t lose your patience

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."

14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."

13. "I finished the Oreos."

12. "Darned if you aren't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

10. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

9. "I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

7. "Get your own ice cream."

6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy-looking today."

5. "Got milk?"

4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawny."

3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."

via askmen