You Might Know Him From...

His tour de force role as the dad in Home Alone guaranteed him a lifetime of supporting roles in mildly entertaining TV shows and movies (with the exception of The Sopranos, which, of course, is the one drop-dead awesome show he’s been on.)

Special Moves

Reminding you of a kindly but stern amalgamation of all your friends’ dads.

Is a Poor Man's...

Tim Allen

You Might Know Him From...

His lifeless, skull-like face and cold, dead eyes haunting your dreams. Also, because he’s appeared in every single TV law-enforcement drama, including, but not limited to, CSI, Shark, Cold Case, Bones, Law & Order, Law & Order SVU, NYPD Blue, Oz, The Practice, 24, Homicide: Life on the Street, and Frasier.

Special Moves

Imagine the lawyer/prosecutor/accountant you’d most dread seeing across the table from you. Okay, got it? It’s this guy, isn’t it? I know—freaky, right?

Is a Poor Man's...

Viggo from Ghostbusters II (he’s very busy)

You Might Know Him From...

Six Feet Under, I Heart Huckabees, Me. Myself & Irene, Intolerable Cruelty, and a bunch of stupid bullshit like Rumor Has It….

Special Moves

Talking while eating and/or always sporting an expression of detached, judgmental contempt.

Is a Poor Man's...

Tommy Lee Jones

The Big Lebowski, Prison Break, Bad Boys II, Minority Report, Armageddon, and instilling an intense fear of wood-chippers in you in Fargo.

Special Moves Believing in nothing, severing pinkie toes, and just generally giving off the impression that he’s committed a couple of sex crimes lately.

Is a Poor Man's...

Eastern European Bruce Willis

You Might Know Him From...

City Slickers, In Good Company, Payback, Get Shorty, Quiz Show, and every stereotypical caricature of Jewish people you’ve ever seen.

Special Moves

Bringing tears to your eyes with his heart wrenching portrayals of down-on-their-luck losers who’ll never know the touch of a woman and die alone. That, and looking really, really Jewish.

Is a Poor Man's...

Clinically depressed Jon Lovitz

You Might Know Him From...

The Mighty Ducks, Son in Law, My Cousin Vinny, Lois & Clark, The Mighty Ducks, The Legend of Bagger Vance, The Mighty Ducks, The Mighty Ducks. It’s the evil youth hockey coach from The Mighty Ducks!

Special Moves

Looking like he’s always about to knock you unconscious with a savage backhand that’s for your own damn good.

Is a Poor Man's...

Gene Hackman

You Might Know Him From...

Deadwood, Memento, Groundhog Day, CSI: Miami, Murder in the First, Thelma & Louise, and that one really hilarious episode of Reba.

Special Moves

No matter what your normal propensity for violence is, the mere sight of Stephen Tobolowsky has been scientifically proven to make you want to roundhouse kick his nose through the back of his bald, smarmy skull.

Is a Poor Man's...

William H. Macy

You Might Know Him From...

A Few Good Men, Hoffa, Blue Chips, The Client, Pleasantville, Outbreak, Sling Blade, Backdraft, Good Morning Vietnam, that time he showed up at your dorm in college, cheated everyone out of their money, ratted them out, then disappeared into the foggy, ink-dark night. Sadly dead now, but lives on in his evil roles on DVD.

Special Moves

Slimy, stubborn, unethical dirt bags that you wouldn’t leave alone in the same room as your kid/dog/wallet.

Is a Poor Man's...

Evil Beau Bridges

You Might Know Him From...

Meet the Parents, Independence Day, Carlito’s Way, Scent of a Woman, My Cousin Vinny, the picture next to the definition of “tight assed authority figure” in the dictionary.

Special Moves

Filling the roles that our #1 That Guy doesn’t have time for. Then, channeling his seething resentment for Cromwell into an acting style that portrays each and every character as an enormous prick whether or not the script calls for it. Case and point: in the script for Scent of a Woman, the principal was supposed to befriend Charlie and invite him and the Colonel over for hot chocolate at the end of the film. Rebhorn’s Cromwell envy, however, facilitated an entirely different outcome which facilitated that completely nonsensical Al Pacino rant.

Is a Poor Man's...

James Cromwell

You Might Know Him From...

Come on—you know you know this dude. He’s such a good “That Guy” that he’s almost actually famous. Almost.

Special Moves

Everything. You need smug? Cromwell’s got smug. You need flippant? Well, ol’ Crommie’s got that too. In fact, some conspiracy theorists contend that James Cromwell is the Voltron of That Guys—that he’s actually an 80-foot tall physical combination of the other 19 men on this list; a massive, indestructible character actor endowed with the specific talents of all other That Guys.

As the theory goes, The Cromwell boasts Stephen Tobolowsky’s annoyingness, Lane Smith’s thinly veiled bloodthirstiness, John Heard’s fatherliness, Danny Trejo’s massive chest tattoos, and, of course, William Fichtner is curled up in the fetal position on The Cromwell’s face to make the nose. The end result? A guy who, in all seriousness, has never not been in a movie.

Is a Poor Man's...

Anybody. The Cromwell can play any role well enough to get the job done, but just poorly enough to avoid becoming famous. In fact, some of The Cromwell’s lesser-known roles include Arnold Schwarzenegger’s female love interest in Commando and Carl Weathers’ body double in Rocky III.

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